My Little Buttercup

The rain is so depressing and yet a good excuse at the same time. I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. A big part of me doesn't even want to go to my moms viewing tonight.
My kids are keeping busy around the house. I have found comfort in going through my moms stuff (which is a LOT). I especially love seeing old pictures of when she was young and healthy and so bright. Kaylee has made out good so far as I have found presents she must have forgot she bought and a ton of art supplies she collected throughout the years.
Just as I thought each day was getting easier, the last two days have be harder for me. I think the feeling that everyone will move on and forget her in a week is sinking in. I on the other hand will be missing her more and more, as I can no longer have a conversation with her or see her.
I have been doing better with sleeping. When she passed I was able to finally sleep through the night, no longer worried that I would miss her last breath. I really didn't want her to be alone when she passed. When I slept I dreamt of her-happy, and healthy, and just like her old self. Now I look forward to closing my eyes at night.
Last night Kaylee was falling asleep and I was laying next to her. She kept closing her eyes and then would turn and look back at me. I was looking up at the ceiling thinking about things. She finally said, "mom, aren't you tired?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Then why are you not closing your eyes."
"I am just thinking," I said.
"What are you thinking?"
"I don't know," I replied.
"Maybe you are thinking of the good things, so that you are not afraid to go to sleep."
She then turned, snuggled up into her blanket, and closed her eyes.
I couldn't respond, I just thought to myself "exactly."